W, Kayleigh. MGHS. '97.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
I always end up deleting my personal posts because I’m like dude why am I so emotional
Falling asleep with you is just about the best thing in the entire world 💗
Starting to feel a little less important to you.
I’m on that weird emotional trip again where I feel very unimportant to everyone and everything. What’s the point of being here if I have no purpose? I don’t really know what to do.. I’m so sick and tired of bottling up all of my emotions and pretending everything is okay just by saying, “Yeah, I’m fine.” or putting on a fictitious smile. Maybe this is just temporary and maybe it isn’t. I’m not really sure of anything in my life anymore except for one person who is holding me together and cares about me so deeply. The only person I have ever been able to run to with my problems, the only person I have ever felt so comfortable with, the only person I can completely say that I am and have ever been 100% in love with and he is my entire life. Literally. He is my happiness, my motivation, my love, my best friend, my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my support system, my everything, and my boyfriend. All in one. I am so blessed and grateful that God blessed me with such an incredible man in my life, because without him, I honestly probably would not still be sitting here today, alive and breathing, typing this about him. God definitely knew what he was doing when he led me to the man of my dreams. I only hope one day I can do for him what he does for me. He’s absolutely incredible. I love him. I love him so much. I have never been so sure about anybody in my life before and it’s the greatest feeling to know that I finally have someone who feels the exact same way about me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH CAMERON, FOREVER AND EVER.
Feeeels weird to be on tumblr on a computer again
Still get those same butterflies before we hangout just like the first time we met. Still get nervous but excited to see you. Happier than I’ve ever been and I only get happier and happier each and every day. I love you so much, and my love only continues to grow for you. You are my life, my everything, my forever 😚💕
Gotta stop letting these what ifs and thoughts get the best of me and take control over my mood and mind.